We Need to Talk About Work Grief
A few months ago I interviewed Erika Wool and I asked her for an unpopular or contrarian view she holds. Her answer stuck with me:
My strong view is that you need to stop trying to avoid your emotions at work. That doesn’t necessarily mean you get to externalize emotions all the time. But you should think about your emotions, whether positive or negative, as information that can help you figure out how to work more productively with others.
I agree with Erika. Yet I still struggle with which emotions are fit for the workplace and which are not.
That is partly why the term “work grief” jumped out at me when I learned it last year in a post by Molly Graham, a seasoned tech executive turned coach.
In explaining work grief, Graham wrote this:
“The truth is that Work Grief is an incredibly common experience and something we need to make more space for. A major change happens — good, bad, ugly — and you need a minute to process the new reality, mourn what is in the past, and get ready to move forward.”
Failing to acknowledge the emotional toll of change at work can lead to burnout and attrition. Work grief may sound touchy-feely but it is directly tied to culture, productivity and profitability.
Examples of work grief
Work grief doesn't just stem from a layoff, as Molly Graham points out.
Grief can follow a wide range of significant changes at work.
One way to normalize work grief is to be open about it. Here are some examples of work grief from my career.
A re-org stripped me of responsibilities I had worked for years to earn.
A new role provided me with more scope and impact but also more stress and pressure.
The departure of a manager whose guidance and support I had come to rely upon.
A deal I was negotiating was signed and my relationship and role with the partner changed.
A promotion I thought I had earned was turned down for reasons I didn’t agree with.
What makes work grief difficult?
There is no comparing the grief that comes from change at work with personal challenges like disease, divorce, death, addiction, bankruptcy, arrest, etc.
Work grief is a kind of privilege at a time when so many talented people are under-employed and unemployed.
But acknowledging work grief does not require comparison.
Grief is grief. And it comes in different forms.
What can you do about work grief?
Here are three ways you can help yourself and others through work grief:
Acknowledge the change at work - When you know someone at work who is going through a big change at work, especially a setback, reach out to them. Ask them how they’re doing. And listen. This could mean getting lunch or simply an email or Slack message. It doesn’t need to be a large time investment. If you are a people leader, give your team a chance to share how they are feeling the change. Even a small gesture 1:1 or a few minutes during a team meeting can go a long way.
Build your identity outside of your work - Work grief cuts way deeper when your entire sense of self is tied to your work. Over a forty year career, a major setback (or a few) is almost inevitable. To avoid severe work grief, make time to be a human outside of work. Find a hobby. Join a team. Volunteer. Your life is more than your job.
Invest in trusted relationships - I think of emotions like gas. I can try to keep them inside, but eventually I’ll become like a shaken soda can. There is no better release than opening up to people I trust. I think this is true for most people. Trusted confidants are possibly the best antidote to work grief. Since relationships require time and space, this means setting aside time for the people you care about. Make time to take a walk with a friend. Call a parent or sibling. Consider a professional coach or a therapist as a way to strengthen your relationship with yourself.
One Ask & One Offer
New Years Day comes with a couple annual traditions here at TfT:
An ask: what is a topic you want TfT to cover in 2026? What is a deal dilemma or partnership puzzle you’re facing? Who do you want to see interviewed? Please reply to this post with what you want from This for That in 2026.
An offer - I typically begin the year with a reflective or inspirational January 1st post. If you are looking for something more uplifting, check-out these posts from the archive:
