The Art of the Pushback
How do you handle an inappropriate request from a valued partner or customer?
I found a stark example in a surprising place: Instagram.
Olivia Ferney is a 25-year old travel agent for the uber-wealthy with a massive social media following (@travelswithlivi).
Olivia’s 1M followers tune in to see the absurd demands of the 1% (think: $250K wire transfer for NYC Fashion Week and specialty limes shipped to a luxury hotel on a remote island). Her videos are an entertaining and nauseating window into a world where the mega-rich live like royalty.
But her most interesting video (to me) isn't about luxury travel. It is a video of a negotiation with a rich client who pressured her to cross a personal line.
An Indecent Request
In the video below, one of Olivia’s clients named Levi calls her asking for help getting a date with a hostess at a restaurant he just left … while he was on a date with another woman.
What stands out about this negotiation isn’t just the absurdity of a man asking his travel agent to secure him a date. This is a conversation between a young woman who sets a firm boundary with a wealthy man who she works for.
The cards appear to be stacked against Olivia here.
But she handles the situation firmly with calm and charm.
The Negotiation
You can watch this negotiation here (2 mins) or read this transcript:
Levi: I wanted to ask you … it’s a little bit of an awkward request but the hostess was gorgeous. And obviously, I was on a date, so I couldn’t do much. But I would like for you to inquire for me and find out … some information. Is she single? And, more importantly, if you could setup a date for her and I.
Olivia (pushback #1): That is 1000% out of my comfort zone. I don’t handle any stuff like that whatsoever. Why don’t you … we can make a reservation there tonight and you can ask her yourself.
Levi: Yeah, I would really like your help with this one. I know you don’t feel too comfortable with this one. I think your support would be greatly appreciated and would go a long way.
Olivia (pushback #2): Of course, and thank you for having that trust in me. Again, that is so far out of the realm of services I provide. Honestly, being a woman, I think you should put on a good outfit. Put on that Levi charm.
Levi: Alright, not to push any buttons, I did see that brat’s video that was on your instagram [reference to a separate video Olivia posted, a conversation with one of her client’s children] and unlike her, you work for me, Liv … and not for my father. So I am going to respectfully ask that you reconsider and call the hotel and get her information for me.
Olivia (pushback #3): Again, absolutely not. I appreciate your business and I hope to continue working together. But I can’t fulfill any request like this. Whatsoever. It’s just not. There are so many problems with this. On a personal level, just talking human to human, I don’t feel comfortable with that at all.
Levi (the retreat): So should I just go there …
Olivia: Just go! I’m gonna make you another reservation there. Go there by yourself. I’ll get you a nice table. Request that you speak to her when you get there. Try to be respectful when you go in, obviously. Don’t do anything that doesn’t go well with most women. I’m sure she’d love to go on a date with you.
Levi: What are your thoughts if I leave my Rolex behind?
Olivia: You do whatever your heart desires. If that has worked in the past, then go right ahead.
Levi: Surprisingly it has worked in the past. So maybe we will take that one back up and try it again
Olivia: You do your thing. Alright, I’ll move forward with that reservation. I’ll call concierge right now.
Levi: Alright, text me what time you can get me in.
The Art of the Pushback
Olivia offers a masterclass in pushing back tactfully and effectively. That is why I shared this video to my teenage daughter.
Several tactics that Olivia uses to win this negotiation:
Use “I” Statements - Olivia doesn’t say that she cannot fulfill the request. She doesn’t mention “company policy” Instead, she focuses on “I” statements, like “I am not comfortable with this request.” Levi has no way to dispute what Olivia is comfortable with.
Offer an alternative - Olivia is quick to come up with a new solution. In the same breath that she declines the request she comes up with an alternative: “We can make a reservation there tonight and you can ask her yourself.”
Coat the medicine with honey - Despite the inappropriate request, Olivia does not get personal. Instead, she reframes the request as a compliment. “Thank you for having that trust in me.” Later, she appeals to her client’s appearance and charm while refusing to agree to his request.
Enlist a soft ultimatum - A turning point is when Olivia says “I hope to continue working together.” Olivia frames this in the positive but signals that she is prepared to end their working relationship over this request if Levi does not respect the boundary she has set. It is at that point that he retreats.
Use tone of voice - Throughout the conversation, Olivia’s tone is positive and upbeat.
Coverage of Olivia Ferney in the NYTimes and the Independent.
A scripted TV show about based on Olivia Ferney is currently in the works.
